


We always got along better when we weren't faking

by whoms_account_be_this



Category: Degrassi
Genre: F/M, M/M, gay male author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8316397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoms_account_be_this/pseuds/whoms_account_be_this
Summary: He always wanted to be better than his father, but he couldn't even manage to love his own wife.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this, but I had fun. This is a highly experimental work. This story is meant to be viewed as a snap shot, rather than a full fic. There will be something accomplished, but ultimately, no large resolutions.

**We always got along better when we weren't faking**

Miles never thought that he would have the typical 9-5 job like the dads on TV. He always swore that he would be nothing like them. Nothing like his own father.

He sighed as he pulled into the driveway and removed the keys from the ignition. Dreams of being an eternal bachelor were long lost, not that he ever had a chance to live them. His father married him off right out of high school.

 _Bastard_ , Miles thought bitterly as he unlocked the door to his home. He forced himself to expunge the anger from his body. He was better than his father.

His life wasn’t so bad. He knew that on a logical level, at least. Half of Toronto would kill to have a well-paid job, a beautiful wife, and an amazing baby boy.

It was a life he never chose. He didn’t bother to wipe the frown from his face. Maya knew well that he wasn’t happy. She wasn’t either, really, but they made it work. The first few years of their marriage had been rough, accomplished only by obligation, but now they had a son to take care of at the ripe age of three. If there was anything that they bonded over, it was their love for their son.

He discarded his stuff in the small room he used as his home office before heading to the kitchen. He found Maya cooking, as was usual these days. He wondered if she hated the stereotypical life she had come to fill too.

Maya gave him a smile when she noticed him, and he gave her the best one that he could manage.

“Do I have time for a shower before dinner?” It was the question that he asked every day. Either that, or ‘How is my beautiful wife?’ Rarely the latter. The two of them got along better when they weren’t faking. Fake it till you make it, they said, and Aidan was proof that that made something. Now they just had to try and live their lives.

“Dinner is ready,” Maya answered. “Aidan and I can wait for you though?”

Miles looked into the next room where Aidan was already waiting. Aidan. Aidan John Hollingsworth. AJ for short. His son never failed to bring a smile to his face.

“I’ll join you. I’ll live without a shower, won’t I?”

Maya smiled at him and that made his heart swell. He could make her happy and put his family first. That was more than his father ever did.

They ate dinner in their typical fashion. Maya never asked him how his day was because she knew he hated the life his father had designed for him. _Owner of the local newspaper, how fun!_ he thought sarcastically. He never wanted the family business.

At least they had Aidan to bright them up as he told them the things he had learned at preschool.

“Dada, how many am I holding up?” he asked as he raised eight fingers.

Miles smiled at him and saw Maya’s face lit as bright as the sun out of the corner of his eye.

“How many do you think you are holding up?”

AJ thought for a moment, and Miles knew for the tenth time over that he and Maya had made a smart one. “Eight,” AJ grinned with a toothy smile.

“That’s right!” Miles cheered. “And as for your reward-” he said, looking to Maya for permission “-we will go out for ice cream this weekend.”

AJ celebrated by stuffing his mouth with a chicken strip. Miles did the same, enjoying the simple dinner. He liked chicken strips, AJ liked chicken strips, and Maya liked chicken strips, so why not? His mother always chastised Maya for her dinner choices, but he relished in her simple meals almost as much as he did in spiting his parents for doing so.

After dinner, Maya gave AJ a bath while Miles tidied up the kitchen as was routine. He finished just in time to help Maya dry Aidan off and then tuck him into bed with a kiss on the cheek.

Miles kicked off his shoes as soon as he got to their bedroom. “Not used to wearing these for so long, but I wasn’t going to make my _beautiful_ wife and son wait on me.”

Maya chuckled. “Beautiful wife?” she questioned. They weren’t usually much for such frivolity.

Miles pulled her into an embrace from behind. “Of course you are. We may not love each other like a husband and a wife should, but you are striking.”

Maya giggled as she turned to him. “And I guess I should call you adorable.”

“Handsome,” he corrected sweetly.

“Debonair!”

They both laughed, only to be silenced as he kissed her. She didn’t resist, only melted into the kiss as they pretended that they loved each other. It was strange, truly, that they were so affectionate. They made no secret that there was no love between them. More than once he thought they were so caught up in their anger for their fathers that they hid from love. Another part thought that they sought affection out of desperation.

Miles pulled away. “I think I’m going to go take that shower. Care to join me?” He left his tone suggestive.

Maya rolled her answer over her tongue. “Fine, but no hanky panky. Just a shower.” She saw his disappointment. “You can wash me if you like.”

“As you wish,” he said as if speaking to a queen, leading her to the bathroom attached to their room.

Miles stripped his clothes off more quickly than his wife, though that was no surprise. He watched Maya do the same before turning on the water to his normal heat and testing it before lowering it a smidge. Maya liked it just a little less scalding than he did.

He steeped in first and lathered up a wash cloth with a bar of soap as Maya followed. He couldn’t help but wonder when they became so comfortable with each other’s naked bodies. Their wedding night felt like they were two virgins figuring out how to hold hands, when in truth, they both were well experience. Hell, both of them had admitted to a final romp with their lovers the night before they were tied in a knot. Miles chuckled at the memory. The sheer shock of the surprise marriage made him feel like a 12 year old.

Regardless, as he stroked the wash cloth up and down Maya’s body, he realized now that her body felt like an extension of his own.

He finished washing her body and then began to wash his own as she rinsed her hair and then his.

He looked her up and down as they finished their shower, wondering what it would be like if he was in love with the woman that he was married to. He shook his head as he turned off the stream of water and reached out to grab the towels from the rack. They dried off and entered back into the main bedroom, his eyes following Maya along the way.

“Hey, you wanna, _you know_?” he asked.

Maya chuckled. “Maybe later. It’s barely even eight o’clock.”

Miles sighed, though he wasn’t really disappointed. He expected the response, as Maya preferred to sleep after sex, and from the sound of her voice, she had other plans for the night than turning in early. He, on the other hand, could have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone.

He went for his dresser and tried to figure out if he should pull out jeans or pajamas. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Probably some reading.”

“Wanna go out?”

Maya laughed. “What about AJ?”

“I’m sure we can get Hunter or Frankie to come watch him. Hunter for sure, if we order him a pizza.”

“Maybe next week?”

“Come on,” Miles pleaded as he grabbed a pair of jeans.

“It’s a new book,” Maya whined. “You should read too. You used to love writing back in high school.”

“Well, _he_ ruined that,” Miles said bitterly. He pulled a fresh pair of underwear out with his jeans. “Mind if I go out?”

Suddenly the room felt very cold on his bare skin.

“Feel free,” Maya said.

He faced her as he slipped a t-shirt over his head. She was on her side of the bed in a night gown with a book in hand.

“You sure you don’t mind?” he asked to clarify.

She met his eyes, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was time that they talk about their affairs.

“Go ahead. I trust you. Say ‘hi’ to Zig for me?”

Miles nodded. They shared a look that told him the conversation was coming up soon, though she didn’t seem upset.

He pulled out his phone to check the time. “It’s eight. I should be back before you fall asleep. Just a drink or two.”

She smiled at him before returning her attention to the book. He fought the script that told him to say ‘Love you, be back soon.’ There was no script when it was just the two of them. They got along better when they weren’t faking.

* * *

Zig Novak never told them how he did it, but sometime after high school he acquired a bar. Something told Miles that it was better left unasked, and he didn’t particularly mind. It was about the only place that he and Maya hung out at when they went out, though that had been ever decreasing since Aidan was born.

It was a nice bar, he noted, as he walked in. Not exactly a metropolitan venue, but well above a dive bar. Or maybe he was just fond of it. It was never too crowded nor empty, and Zig gave him a good deal on drinks, not that he needed to be stingy with his money.

He took a seat at the bar and watched the show. Zig was a funny guy; because of that, he made sure that his bar was unique to his quirks. His main method was having a new event each night of the week, instead of just bands. Tuesday was his favorite as it was comedy night.

Miles looked for the head of platinum blonde hair that he wanted to see, but didn’t find it, only to for his search to turn up dry. Did Tristan dye his hair again?

 _Ah, there he is!_  Miles noted as he started looking at faces in the dim light. Tristan had dyed his hair a dark brown. Miles gave a wave, though he knew Tristan wouldn’t be able to respond while performing.

He heard a glass slam down next to him. Miles turned towards the noise.

“Been a while, Hollingsworth,” Zig greeted.

Miles chuckled. “You know you can hire people to bar tend.”

“I like the tips,” Zig stated as he slid the glass to Miles. “Whiskey on the rocks, your fav.”

Miles withdrew a ten from his wallet and slipped it into the front of Zig’s pants. “Your tip,” he added with a wink.

Zig left the bill sticking over his buckle. “Did Maya tell you to do that?”

“All me. Though she did say to tell you ‘hi.’”

Zig scoffed. “It’s been months. We were starting to think that you two forgot about the little people.”

“No, we just have a little people to take care of,” Miles said with a laugh. He almost pulled out his phone to show off some pictures of AJ, but thought better of it. No need to make the other man jealous. Zig had been a good friend for years, but he knew without a doubt that Zig still loved Maya. Hell, he was almost certain that Zig and Maya were having an affair, though he couldn’t blame her. He was here tonight for the same purpose.

“When will Tristan be free, you think?”

“He has a break right about now,” Zig said, pointing to Tristan. “Looks like he spotted you,” he teased. “I’ll leave you two be… Yo, Tris, be easy on him.”

Miles gulped as he turned around. Zig saw right through them, and Miles couldn’t help but wonder if he and Tristan talked to each other about their situation. They were there from the beginning, so they knew that it wasn’t a marriage of love.

“Hey, Tris,” he said nervously.

“Booth. Now,” Tristan ordered.

Miles downed his drink in one gulp as he stood up. “Hey, Zig. Bring 2 or 3 more, could you?”

“Make it 5,” Tristan corrected as he pulled Miles along to a booth in the back of the bar.

Their rears had barely hit the seats as Tristan spoke. Well, yelled was more accurate. “What gives?”

Miles blushed, looking around.

“Don’t do that. The only person who would come back here is Zig, and don’t think he’s not just as annoyed.”

“I always knew he liked me,” Miles muttered off handedly. “Jealous?”

Tristan rolled his eyes. “You think you can just ignore me for 2 months?”

Miles frowned. “We texted on and off.”

Tristan sighed. “I know. It’s just painful, being with you and then not, on and off for nearly a decade now.”

“I’m sorry,” Miles said. And he was. “You can move on if you want. No need to ruin your life along for me.” The words hurt more than he would ever admit.

Tristan took a deep breath. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about it. And I have, once or twice, but you’re still the only person to make my heart stop.”

Miles closed his eyes. “Would it hurt you if I said the same?”

“Yes.”

Zig brought by their drinks, and looked as if it was the last place he wanted to be. Tristan didn’t care as he pulled him down into the booth next to him. “Sit. I was just telling Miles here how annoyed we were that they have ignored us for 2 months.”

“We haven’t…” Miles began to say, but Zig spoke up.

“Not even a call from Maya,” he muttered sadly.

“She told me to say ‘hi’ to you. I tried to get her to come out. But she didn’t want to leave Aidan.”

They all shared a silence.

“How long have you two known?” Miles asked.

“Known?” Zig asked innocently.

“You should know gossip wouldn’t pass me by, Miles,” Tristan said. “Particularly if I am tangentially involved.”

“Tristan and I’ve been talking since before you popped AJ into Maya,” Zig deadpanned.

Miles sighed. “You must think we’re freaks.”

Tristan swirled the straw in his drink. “We’ve all been in this circus, going on 10 years now, isn’t it? Paris, well, minus Zig.”

“That we have,” Miles agreed. He looked to Zig. “I did suspect, though never knew for sure. I’m sure I said the wrong name on our wedding night too.”

Zig coughed into a blush.

Miles reached to one of the drinks that Zig brought and downed it in two gulps. “Why? What makes us so special that the two of you have put your life on hold?”

“I think you know,” Zig said, standing up. “I do have a bar to run. Toodles.”

Miles turned to Tristan who was downing a second drink.

“Now that I have some alcohol in me, let’s talk,” Tristan said. “Are we still on?”

“As much as we ever were, whatever that means.”

“Hmm.”

“Tell me. What is it like to be in love?”

Tristan frowned, then his eyes lit up. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you once. Usually, it’s not too bad. We used to make love once a week, at least, didn’t we? These two months have been…”

Miles placed his hand over Tristan’s. “I know.”

Tristan pulled their hands to his heart. “I know this is painful for us all, but… can we go back to what we once were?”

“I w-would like that,” Miles said, his breathing heavy. “This weekend, maybe? We can get one of the twins to watch AJ. If my suspicions are right, Maya will welcome the chance to sneak out to Zig.”

He leaned across the table to give Tristan a peck on the lips. Tristan spoke as they pulled away.

“She would. They fuck in his office.”

Miles laughed. “I didn’t need to know that.”

Tristan grinned at the teasing. “You know, according to Zig, Maya agrees with you. Your bed is for the two of you. It’s off limits. Kind of sweet, really,” he said longingly.

Miles blinked and picked up his third glass. “She’s great, really. I wish I could love her the way I love you.”

* * *

He left soon after. It took all his willpower not to run back to the changing room with Tristan, but it wasn’t the night for fun. He sighed as he repeated the routine of stepping out of the car and into his home.

 _Fuck_ , he thought as he opened the door. _Forgot to lock it. I really am an awful father and husband._

It struck him that he was more drunk than he thought as he teetered up the stairs. He crossed by AJ’s room on the way to his own, and wanted to go give him a hug, but didn’t. He didn’t deserve to have the memory of his drunk father hugging him with the cloud of liquor that was oozing from his mouth. Miles wrinkled his nose at the memories. At least his father pretended to love him back then.

“Miles?” Maya asked as he stepped into their room.

He locked eyes with her and marched into the bathroom. He heard Maya call him from outside, though she seemed willing to let him have a moment.

He looked into the mirror and found that he didn’t look as bad as he felt. _Emotions_ , he thought sardonically. He grabbed his toothbrush and brushed his mouth furiously to remove the taste and odor of whiskey. He swished mouthwash around to be safe, and rinsed his face to be doubly sure he had removed any trace of drunkness.

He wiped the water out of his eyes, unsure if they were tears or splash from the sink. He exited the bathroom and climbed into bed.

“Are you okay?” Maya asked. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

He groaned into his pillow before turning to her. “I’m just like him.”

Maya’s eyes grew sad, and she put her book down on the nightstand. “You’re nothing like him. I promise.”

“Aren’t I? I don’t love you,” he said plainly. “I want to though. My dad always _wanted_ to love us. Never really succeeded, did he?”

“You love Aidan, I know you do.”

“I do… but I want to love you too.”

“You do, in your own way,” Maya said. “I can tell, or at least I know I love you in some way.”

Miles reached his hand out to entwine it in Maya’s. “Thanks,” he said. “If there was anyone that I had to be forced to marry, I’m glad that it is you.”

Maya chuckled and began to remove her nightgown. “Take off your clothes, bed is no place for jeans.”

Miles stood up and did as he was told, an eyebrow raised as Maya finished removing her clothes.

“I did say later, didn’t I?” she asked as she turned off the light. Miles didn’t need further invitation to climb into bed. He navigated under the sheets until he was above her and placed a kiss on her lips.

Their sex life was a routine like most else they did, but he didn’t mind. Sex was sex after all. He was pretty sure Maya enjoyed it as well, as she more often than not initiated it.

He brought a hand down to make sure she was ready as he kissed at her neck. She gasped into his ear as he slid into her, taking it slowly as he normally did. It took him a while to learn what she liked, but after the first miserable year, they managed to make sex enjoyable. He would focus on her until she was literal putty in his hands, and then he would focus on himself. She would usually finish first and pull him along into orgasm land with her.

Tonight was one of those nights as he collapsed into the sheets beside her. Things were different now, just a little, so he pulled her into his arms. “Can we try?  Try falling in love?”

“I’ve never stopped trying,” Maya whispered.

Miles closed his eyes and folded his head into her neck. Trying would have to do.

**Author's Note:**

> I have 2 more chapters or roughly equal length planned, however, this story is written as is to be complete if I never get around to it. Yes, there is a backstory of why they are married.


End file.
